I am so thankful to be writing to all of you at this moment. No doubt, this life-changing experience is the hardest but also the most rewarding thing I have ever had to do.
What I am learning and gaining out of this is truly a blessing. I have been waiting to say that the toughest days are behind me, but there are still bumps in the road. Most importantly, I look at life now from a completely different perspective, as this is my spiritual journey.
I truly believe that the abundance of love, kindness and compassion that flowed to me from all of your prayers is the reason I am still alive. My journey has brought me back to the wholeness of life and reconnected me with the truth, intimacy and love of the spirit that surrounds us all.I have SOO much to talk about, write and communicate, it is overwhelming.
So far, I have only spoken with a small percentage of you. I am excited and can’t wait to connect and personally thank each one of you. I am now making small steps to reach out, communicate and give back when I can. My response may be slow, as using cell phones and computers makes me feel bad physically. I therefore gravitate towards what strengthens me, and this mainly includes being fully present with the people around me and being connected to my environment.
For years, doctors have been completely perplexed by my symptoms, and this lack of explanation lingers still. There are many questions which I simply can’t find answers to, and being unable to inform people is very difficult for me. It is energy-draining to try to respond to the questions, “how are you feeling?”, or “how are you doing?”, so I occasionally avoid that situation as I am trying to focus on the positives in my life and not on my symptoms. There is so much I want out of life that I remain tenacious in regaining my health; this literally has been a full-time job!
I need to make peace with the “not-knowing,” and to let go of the struggle. Yet I still continue to pray for clarity and continued strength to get better. As there has been no clear diagnosis, symptomology opens up the fear of the unknown – the hardest part for my mind to deal with. Regardless, I have so much faith and trust in God and the healing power of the human body that I know with certainty I will be in good health.
On another note, my family has been so amazing and there for me, I can’t even begin to describe it in words. From the week before I went in the hospital to now, I have been with a member of my immediate family almost constantly. They were all with me at my bedside giving constant support, words of encouragement,and pouring healing chi my way. Together we have cried, joked, argued, forgave, prayed, hugged, you name it. Talk about therapy!
I am truly blessed to have my family. I want to take this opportunity to thank my father for literally saving my life more than once! (story to come). Thanks for loving me unconditionally, I love you Dad. And my mother, (the one who has been posting the great photos), you have nurtured me once again from a baby to a person I am happy to be. I could not imagine a better mom, I love you. My brother missed weeks of naturopathic school to be with me, and my sister flew in from Maui to give me hope. From all across the country, relatives from both sides of the family have reconnected in my support, revitalizing me with their loving energy. They even organized prayer vigils across the time zones; each time that happened, I felt invigorated, convinced of the amazing power of prayer.
I can’t say it enough – THANK YOU ALL, family and dear friends, so much for the prayers,encouraging words and positive intentions. I intend to post again soon, as I am determined to get stronger, healthier, and better every day. As my grandma Kelly would say, “Slowly but Surely.”